Dutch magazine Gay Krant gives us a list of the hunkiest World Cup players.
There's no place for this filth in football.
I refer not of course to homosexuality, but to the evil that is the good-looking footballer.
Yes, I know good looks are positively correlated with intelligence (pdf) and earnings. But it's my convinced and settled belief that they should be negatively correlated with footballing skill. A good-looking footballer is against nature.
This isn't pure prejudice. Many of the best players in history have been homely: Maradona, di Stefano, Puskas, Zidane, Terry Mancini, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo ("who could eat an apple through a tennis racket" - G. Lineker). Many were fat or bald as well. And remember England in 1966: the best looker was an undertaker.
This is as it should be. Let's face it - our passion for The Arsenal faded a tad when Adams (pbuh), Parlour and Keown were replaced by Henry and Fabregas.
For this reason, all right-thinking men should take comfort in the fact that the player of the tournament so far is Arjen Robben, who - joy of joy - is bald as well. (Don't get me started on the tragic demise of the bald footballer.)
During this tournament, I'll be supporting the ugliest players, like Bastian "motional talent with lot of fun" Schweinsteiger. The German team seems to have been selected on this principle.
I leave you with this antidote to Gay Krant's list.
Another thing: Their list includes Ruud "Horse-face" van Nistelrooy. This is evidence either of home bias or that the Dutch are even more eccentric than previously thought.