Things I wish I'd known at 20

Big Tommy has asked a good question: what do you wish you'd known at 20?
James Hamilton has given a marvellous answer - marred only by a preference for Right Ho Jeeves over the Code of the Woosters. Here are my, much inferior, additions:
1. Don't care so much about what others' think about you.
This, though, is easier said than done. There are powerful evolutionary reasons why we naturally want to conform to group norms and to win their respect and affection - because this is the only way to survive in hunter-gatherer societies. It takes years to learn to overcome this norm.
2. Learn to play a musical instrument.
There's enormous satisfaction to be gotten from making small steady improvements against a standard  which is set neither arbitrarily nor by markets or hierarchies.
3. People regret what they haven't done more than they regret what they have done.
If in doubt, do it. Don't be scared.
4. We adapt to our circumstances.
Great wealth won't make us very happy, nor will solitude make us too miserable. Extreme and persistent happiness or unhappiness is therefore unlikely. Life's a 6 out of 10.
5. Beautiful women are often insecure.
If they turn you down, it's not because you are an ugly toad, but because they have a subconscious preference for dysfunctional relationships.
I don't know how true this is, but it's worth knowing. Knowledge doesn't have to be true to be useful.
6. Appearances change.
I made the mistake of going to a college gaudy a couple of years ago. The unattainably beautiful Debbie Harry lookalikey had turned into a fat matron. A spotty gawky girl had turned into Kristin Scott Thomas' better-looking sister.
7. No-one's as confident or accomplished as they seem. Auras of expertise and self-assurance are brittle and insubstantial. As Dar Williams sang:

I say well I'm lucky, cause I  am like East Berlin
I had this wall and what I knew of the free world
Was that I could see their fireworks
And I  could hear their radio
And I  thought that if we met, I would  only start confessing
And they'd know that I was scared
They'd would know that I was guessing
But the wall came down and  there they stood before me
With their stumbling and their mumbling
And their calling out just like me.

Is this the best song lyric ever? Feel free to start a new meme...

Comments

[dearieme]

Double whammy: Wish....at 20, and the best song lyric ever.

"Life can be delish, with a sunny disposish."

Somebody and Gershwin. Available with Bix on cornet. What more can you need to know?

[James Hamilton]

Ah, but I'm writing from the professional shrink's point of view. "Code of the Woosters" is much more a book for magistrates or marriage counsellors. "Right Ho, Jeeves" is the only one in the canon where you would be justified in casting Lance Armstrong as Bertie, so it has to be the winner, really.

[dearieme]

I've just realised that my comment pretty much repeats something I said here a few months ago.

8. Repetition is OK if you are right.

[Blimpish]

5 is oh so very true. (Although being an ugly toad hardly helps.)

[Cerebus]

I'm 20. I wish I knew a whole lot more than I do.

[Paul Davies]

Being but a lowly 21, this isn't really one for me, but a couple of things...

1. Don't care so much about what others' think about you.
This, though, is easier said than done...It takes years to learn to overcome this norm.

Bollocks does it. I dunno, maybe you're right, but as it's just a question (broadly) of shipping an insecurity, it should be no harder than giving up smoking. Personally, I used to give a shit, but took a step back, realised it was an irrational waste of time and ditched it. Simple when ye think about it.

2. Learn to play a musical instrument.

A good 'un, but I'd replace with 'learn another language', and add to the 'list of things I'd wish I'd done when I was 10.' But then I guess that wouldn't be terribly British of me. :)

[J.Cassian]

I only wish I'd known the result of the next Grand National.

[dearieme]

9. In corporate life, it is better to be wrong in the right company than to be right on your own.

[Tim Hicks]

Paul Graham is pretty good value on this (as he is on most other things he writes on):

http://www.paulgraham.com/hs.html

[Angry Economist]

Things I'd wish I'd known when I was 20 - take more cheap and adventurous holidays when I am in my 20s, as roughing it on a budget ain't so much fun in 30s. Plus no time in my 30s to take an 8 week trip anywhere. bugger.

Also I spent 5yrs doing postgrad stuff in my 20s on paupers money and stayed the whole time in Blighty. I reckon I could have spent at least 3 years physically in some cheap sunny country living a life of relative affluence whilst still doing the research. Bummer, eh?

Overall in 20s - don't do 5 years of postgraduate study. Have fun or earn cash instead.

[Paul Davies]

Being under the (possibly fallacious) impression that most people spend their twenties having fun and entering the big scary real world, I think it would be more generally beneficial to give advice to younger types - not that they'd listen, of course, they're too busy having just as much fun as twenty-somethings, only less fuelled by alcohol.

Anyway, some things, often very useful life skills at that, are really rather difficult to pick up once you hit 20. Learning a language, muscle flexibility, knowledge that if you really want to be a professional sportsman you're gonna have to give up on many of the joys of childhood...that sort of thing. But other than the language thing, which should just be added to the curriculum for four year olds, kids aren't really gonna pay attention to the other stuff, and the cost of pushy parenting is probably too high to bear.

So all in all, life's great, and fun as looking back on it like this might be, there's not a lot it can solve eventually (idiots excluded, of course)

[Cerebus]

Re: things difficult to learn after 20 brings up the general problem of plasticity. If you're planning to have an annus mirabilis, you should probably aim before your 30th birthday. Your 20s are the best time to study, and the best time to have fun and abuse your body. How to strike a balance?

Maybe spend your 20s solving the problems of aging and death, win a nobel, then live it up from here to eternity.