What you don't read

My source sends this exclusive report on the world shares slump:

Expected returns on the FTSE 100 posted their biggest one-day rise since May 17 yesterday, because investors' risk aversion rose.
Analysts agreed there was no obvious rational explanation for the increase. They were unconvinced that a bigger than expected drop in US durable goods orders was to blame.  "Anyone who's looked at the yield curve in the last  few months has known that the economy's heading for a soft patch or worse. Such a volatile figure adds little to this belief"  said some geezer who's paid a fortune for saying how many beans make five.
Nor were they worried by reports that the Chinese government plans to crack down on speculative dealing. "No sane person has ever trusted the Chinese to respect investors' rights"  said Ronnie Rent-a-Gob of the Bank of the Bleedin' Obvious. "That word 'Communist' sends a bit of a clue."
"Investors taste for risk has just changed a little. There's no reason for this - it's just one of those things, like the fashion for size-zero models"  said Henrietta Meeja-Hoare of Helping Suckers Buy Crap Bank.
So-called experts confessed that they hadn't the foggiest where there market was heading. "If I had that much foresight, I wouldn't need to get out of bed at five in the morning to earn a living answering dickhead questions from twats like you" said Bertie Bigmouth of Boreclays.
"All we know is that lower prices usually mean higher expected returns. So the longer-term outlook for the market is better or less bad than it was last week"  said Larry Loudgob of hedge fund Ripoff and Runne.

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