Banning pies

Isn't it time the government banned pies? Alan Johnson's claim that fat people are more dangerous than the atomic bomb suggests he might be thinking this way.
What would be the effect of such a move? Criminalizing the sale of pies would raise their price; it would shift the supply curve leftwards.  One benevolent effect of  this would be to reduce demand. But  by how much would this improve people's health? Maybe not much. Maybe people will merely switch to foods that are just as bad, or worse, for them. And maybe few will switch anyway, if demand for pies is price-inelastic, say because people are addicted to them.
In this case, the effect of a ban would be to cut the real incomes of pie-munchers. Insofar as these tend to be poorer than average, this is inegalitarian. And it could in turn lead some to turn to crime (though not cat burglary, obviously) to get the money to feed their habit.
Higher pie prices  will stimulate crime in other ways. They mean high profit margins for criminal pie-dealers. This'll lead to gang wars as Brockleby's and Pukka fight turf wars. There'll be a spate of waddle-by shootings.
And because criminal pie-dealers will be less concerned about reputation than today's legal pie-dealers, the quality of pies will worsen as dealers do a Louis Edwards and use unfit meat in their pies. That could lead to deaths as pie-abusers buy contaminated junk.   
Also, rather than catch conventional criminals, police will spend their time fighting the evil pie trade: trying to stop the lucrative lard-smuggling business and searching fatties on suspicion of possession of an eighth of Ginster's. The upshot will be an increase in ordinary crime as police resources are diverted away from fighting it, and a decline in respect for the police amongst the porker community.
It's pretty clear, then, that there's much to be said against banning pies, even if they are a threat to our futures. Which raises the question. If banning pies is a bad idea, why is banning drugs a good idea? Send your answers to the Home Office.

Comments

[Matt Munro]

"Criminalizing the sale of pies would raise their price; it would shift the supply curve leftwards."

That doesn't seem to be true of drugs though. If , for example, cocaine were legalised, most predictions are that the price would go down (notwithstanding any tax regime), and the quality would probably go up. Illegal commodoties are riskier investments and the risk is reflected in the price.

[Jock]

Very funny! Thanks for that.

And Matt - that's what he said - criminalized prices up quality down, legalized prices down quality up.

[Matt Munro]

Yep I realised as soon as I posted it - off to lie down for a bit now.

[sanbikinoraion]

That's *amazing*.

[Bruce]

Police resources diverted? It would be worse than that. By the looks of my local plodsters, banning pies would be tantamount to criminalising most police officers.

[Simstim]

I remember talking to one of the people involved in health promotion policy in Scotland a couple of years back: they said they'd decided that instead of trying to stop Scots eating pies they were going to try to make the pies healthier instead. No idea whether this has born any fruit yet (in pie form or otherwise).

[Simon Clark]

Classic :)

[Stuart Munro]

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast!
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

[John M]

"they said they'd decided that instead of trying to stop Scots eating pies they were going to try to make the pies healthier instead. "

Which would, of course, have the opposite effect to the intended one. What they should really do, is to make pies much unhealthier, thereby effectively raising the price of obesity. If I put on a po und for every pie I eat, I may decide it isn't orth my while to eat a pie (a pound of weight for the pleasure of just one good feed isn't a good deal). But if I can enjoy three delicious slim-line pies before I load on that pound, it strikes me as a better deal and I may choose to indulge. So: fatter pies; fewer fatties.

[Matt Munro]

All of this of course assumes that the government have a legitimate interest in controlling what we eat.

[scotstoryb]

"they said they'd decided that instead of trying to stop Scots eating pies they were going to try to make the pies healthier instead. "

Stupidity.

Tastier is the answer. Ever since my first visit to Moreton-on-Marsh (sorry, can't quite recall the EU Region) I have regularly stopped by for venison, boar and apple and their own version of Mowbray amongst others. All freezable, all delish.

Unfortunately, Scotch in general, comme le Yanks, tend not to visit anywhere outside their own toons and especially not to the more esoteric or flamboyant Englandshire villages.

Mores the pity.

STB.

[jimroland]

They could solve obesity and global warming simultaneously with a feed-in tariff.

[cityunslicker]

Brilliant.

[ally]

Brilliant, but this is only half of it.

Pies are a gateway snack.

People think it's just a bit of fun at first, a tasty treat on a Saturday night.

But before they know what's happening the dealers - evil bastards with names like Gregg, Martin and Ginster - are saying oh, go on, if you like a bit of pie, then you'll *love* a jam doughnut or a potato fritter.

Before you know where you are, you'll be lying drooling in the gutter of a back alley with a deep fried Mars Bar hanging out the corner of your mouth.

And I should know, I'm Scottish.

Just say no to pies, kids.

[dreamingspire]

You ignore the people who make their own pies, and who can choose their own healthy ingredients. In the pub this week we scoffed the leftovers from a pork pie party (and contest) run by one of our number at the weekend. But of course pubs will have to be banned as well, as a result of this week's story about hazardous drinking.
The state interferes in our eating in order to try to reduce the costs of state funded healthcare. So we will be dying miserable (at a huge cost to the state as we languish for years before the end comes) instead of dying happy and quicker. The old word "quick" is in the King James bible where it says "Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead..."

[Philip Hunt]

Unfortunately the government would refuse to also ban Cornish pasties; it would therefore become a hypocritical War On (Some) Pies. Oh and you're get cabinet ministers regaling us with stories of how they ate pies in their youth (but didn't enjoy them, obviously).

So I can't really support this measure.

[mutleythedog]

Are you completely mad? It is a surefire recipe for red revolution!!, it would be street barriers and molotov cocktails time!! It would no doubt be known as the pastry revolution by Piestorians of the future

There is only one way to take the Pukka Pie from me - prise it from my cold dead fingers...

[F0ul]

I like the analogy, but my main complaint is that the agenda behind this issue is not the well being of pie eaters, but of the hitters of targets.
If its found that pie eaters are causing a disproportional amount of eating and other illegal activity, by removing their figures from the pile, the overall pile will go down very quickly.
Therefore, the claim can be made that there is no crime happening - because pie crime is no longer a crime!

This doesn't solve the problem - it just moves it from the desks of target hitters.

[Person of Choler]

Next target: Haggis.

[Victor Ward]

I think I might have to buy Celery offsets so that I will better providing lowfat nourishment to the masses while I eat my wonderful pies. Who knows, the reverend Al might want a slice of the action!